Dysfunctional Family

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Growing up in a single parent home can be challenging and uncertain. My mom raised three children on her own.  Our fathers were not around. She was not employed and had to depend on food stamps and Section 8 housing to take care of us. My mom was faced with many challenges trying to figure out how to pay bills and make sure we had necessities. This brought on depression and stress. Next, my mom turned to drugs and they tried to consume her. Although she was faced with many adversities, my mom has always been the strongest, loving hearted woman I know.

As children we had to endure many things. But there was one thing that impacted me the most. Not having a normal Christmas. There were several Christmas mornings that my siblings and I woke up and did not have gifts like the other children. I knew my mom was struggling financially, but as a child I could not wrap my mind around not having Christmas presents. To add, no one really taught me the true meaning of Christmas. I thought this was a day to receive gifts only.

When I got older, I made a vow that when I have children they would NEVER wake up on Christmas day without Christmas gifts. So I did just that. Soon as I became a parent I gave away what I called “love” to my oldest son. I gave him any and everything he wanted plus more. I remember just like it was yesterday. He was four months old on his first Christmas. I had that Christmas tree full of stuff. He even had a toddler bicycle. Now you know that was too much. My baby was not even crawling, how in the world would he be able to ride a bike.

I was giving away my dysfunction and calling it love. I was living out my fantasy childhood through my son. It felt good, but it was not God. I was hurting my son. He grew up ungrateful, greedy, lazy, and rebellious. My feelings was hurt because I did not understand how my son did not appreciate me or the nice things I bought him. I thought he would love me because of the things I was giving him. That was far from the truth. The truth is, my son is now nineteen years old and never knew what it was like to struggle. He thought everything was going to be handed to him. When I stop paying his cell phone bill and giving him so much stuff, he thought I did not love him any more.  The Holy Spirit had to show me that the little girl in me needed to be healed from my childhood. My relationship with Christ has taught me the real reason for Christmas. It’s to celebrate the birth of Christ not my son. He had to teach me to give from a healthy place.  Now my children have a healthier mom. God gave me another chance to get it right.  My seven year old knows at an early age about Jesus and the meaning of Christmas. I thank God for healing and maturity. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Thought to ponder:
What are some areas in your life that are dysfunctional, but you are calling it love?

Action to take:
You don’t have to just be a parent to give away your dysfunction. You could be a wife, sister, mentor, friend ect. Remember, we can do a lot of “Good” things, but are they “God” things. Let’s line our lives up to what the bibles teaches. Ask God to reveal to you the areas in your life that you are not completely healed from. Also, ask for complete healing and wisdom to love the correct way.

Verse to meditate on:
Colossians 3:2
Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth.

Prayer to pray:
Father you are love. Forgive me for giving away my dysfunction and calling it love. Father I need you. Help me to be the person you created me to be. Heal me from all past hurts and shame. Father God your word declares who the Son sets free is free indeed! So I stand on your word and claim my complete healing today in The name of Jesus, Amen.

Author: Telleice Caraway

I'm a dedicated wife and mother of a blended family of five children. I started a personal relationship with Jesus Christ on March 2, 2013. From that day forward, my life has forever changed! I love Jesus and I have a passion for helping women of all ages and walks of life. I have been married to my loving husband, Michael since 2005 . We have experienced God's unmerited favor on our lives. However, It has not always been easy. Just like other married couples, we have faced many obstacles: In-law issues, financial issues, blended family issues, infidelity, cheating, etc. In 2011, we were near a divorce and our marriage was nearly over, but God had other plans for our union. He has restored our marriage, healed, and delivered us both. We are now SYMBIS Marriage Counselors and the proud founders of A2GG (Adding 2 God’s Gifts (Adding2godsgifts.com) A2GG is a sports development and mentor-ship program for the youth. To conclude, we enjoy attending church and helping families overcome the strategies of the enemy.

7 thoughts on “Dysfunctional Family”

  1. I went through the same thing with my oldest son. I now realize what I was doing wrong and I changed that behavior with my younger children! Now you have me pondering on other areas of my life to see if I am maybe using similar behavior…this passage was very powerful! Keep it up WOG!!!

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    1. Praise God! We are imperfect women serving a perfect God!! He is the teacher and we are students! I’m so proud of you! When you learn better you do better!! That’s growth sis! Thanks for your feedback and transparency! I pray wisdom and blessing your way! 🙌🏾😘

      Like

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