After I dressed my son for school, I noticed how cute he looked with his new hair cut. I said, “You are so cute and handsome.” He looked into the mirror while brushing his teeth and replied, “No I’m not. I have big eyes!” I was bothered by his response, and immediately I wanted to know who made him think his eyes were too big. I’ve always felt like his eyes was one of his best physical characteristics. I looked at him and reminded him how nice his eyes looked. I told him not to complain about himself because God created him in His own image and likeness. We shouldn’t criticize God’s creation. The word says that He fearfully and wonderfully created us (Psalms 139:14).
Later that day, I thought about how cruel kids can be. They don’t realize it hurts when they speak negatively about others. I’m reminded when I was a teenager, how I was always picked on. I was considered too skinny. I weighed 94lbs soak and wet and maybe could fit a size two in high school. My Bestfriend and I was called “needle and thread.” The student’s comments made me feel insignificant because I didn’t have big buttocks and thighs. Therefore, I always walked around doubting myself and trying to fit in. As I got older I started becoming my own person and started liking myself, but it was from an unhealthy place. Moreover, I thought the insecurities were conquered.
Once I got married, I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with them again, but nevertheless, insecurities came knocking back at the door with an aggression! My husband hurt me with his infidelities. It made me start doubting our love, who I was, and I often wondered if I was good enough for him. To add, our intimacy was affected also. It had gotten so bad that I always covered up my body whenever he came around. I thought the less he saw of me the better. I thought my body parts no longer met his expectations.
It wasn’t until I started having a personal relationship with Christ, that I learned what my creator had to say about me. I got into His word, got truth, and stopped believing the lies from the enemy. Jesus says that I am the head and not the tail. I’m above only and not beneath. I am chosen and peculiar. Everything God created is good! My relationship with Christ helped me to learned who I really was. I have the power to speak a thing and will happen, so I started speaking life over myself and casting down thoughts and imaginations. I wrote bible verses in the mirror and quoted them often. I had to get a knowing down in my inward parts. The truth is, my identity is hidden in Christ Jesus. My husband’s actions can’t dictate my value in Christ. To add, my husband was not my enemy. I was my own enemy. I was the one who beat myself up everyday. I only believe the lies of the enemy because I lacked spiritual truth.
I thank God that I’m not where I used to be, but I can’t celebrate too long. I must constantly renew my mind daily. As I continue to grow, the Holy Spirit will reveal to me areas of improvement. In other words, I have not completely arrived yet. I’m still healing as I go, but one thing is for certain, I have the victory!
Thought to ponder:
Many people hide behind their smile, clothing, makeup, and titles. From the outside looking in, people can’t see the insecurities. I challenge you to examine yourself.
In what areas do you notice that insecurities exist?
Action to take:
1. Don’t compare yourself to others. God made us all different for a reason. You are valuable to him. Remember, He loved you first.
2. Keep your mouth on your team. Don’t say negative things about yourself. Don’t be your own enemy.
3. Love yourself first before you try to love someone else, if not you will only give away your dysfunction and call it love.
Verse of mediation:
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Prayer to pray:
Father God you are the truth. You are love. You are the lifter of my head. Forgive me for not loving myself completely. Also, forgive me for complaining about myself. Thank you for loving me first. You loved me when I did not love myself. In the name of Jesus, I speak against insecurities and self hate. I decree and declare that I am healed and whole. I am free in Jesus name I pray, Amen.